I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
