my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
