He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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