A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
