You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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