Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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