So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
handjob tips. give me some.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
