He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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