I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
