my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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