I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
