Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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