I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
