that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize