Where is the hickey?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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