What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize