If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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