Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think I died a long time ago.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
