she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
