Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
