go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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