hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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