its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
