My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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