The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
