Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
