I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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