We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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