Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
