Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
