Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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