if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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