He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
