Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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