I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
