am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
