If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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