So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
