i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
