I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
home. puking in laundry basket.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
