I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize