I will die if light touches me.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
