I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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