; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
