i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I party with great urgency now.
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