I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
