She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She told me I should be a condom model.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
