"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
