dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize