what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
