Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize