i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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