I hate your face
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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