O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize