Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
