you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
