That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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