sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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