Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
ok first of all what the fuck
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
