yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
