Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
