whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
