Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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