9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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