she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
