apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
