..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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