she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize