Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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