oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
