Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
