Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
