I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize