I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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