Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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