Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
