no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
