so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
