he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
