dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
