Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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