could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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