Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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