my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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