We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
